Engaging with service providers in your house; or, how not to be a jerk to people working in your home
When I was in high school, I worked in a restaurant and had the pleasure (usually) of working for people coming there to eat. When I went to college, I worked part-time for a woman cleaning her house. These two jobs, while both in the “service industry” were drastically different, and they taught me a lot about how to interact with people especially when someone is paying for the services of the other.
In a company, like a restaurant, the company tells you how to behave and what to do. When you go to someone’s home to do a job, you have an outline of what the homeowner wants done, but you don’t always know how to work in that space. When you hire someone to come into your home to do a job, you often may not consider telling that person how to work there. You know the job you want done “fix the electrical thing that I know nothing about.”
You have the power now, when first bringing someone into your home, to set clear lines that make the situation more pleasant for you both, potentially even forming a positive relationship that leads to better quality work for you and a better work environment for the service provider.
If you just say “fix this” and leave them in your home with no expectations of what they can and cannot do, they may be able to get the job done that you hired them for, but they won’t have the best experience and neither will you.
Service workers often want to be invisible while in your home.
I, like so many other people whom I’ve worked with have observed coming to my home, erred on the side of caution when the boundaries weren’t explicitly clear. I tiptoed around, literally, trying to be respectful of the home and the person who usually was at the house at the same time.
A home is a person’s private space, and that ecosystem can be disturbed by strangers. I knew that my presence wasn’t entirely welcome when I cleaned someone else’s home. I would wait to clean my boss’s office until she went to the kitchen for tea, sneaking in to quickly dust and vacuum without having to interrupt her.
Kindly clarify boundaries verbally or in writing if needed.
If you won’t be home when the housekeeper arrives, it’s okay to leave notes that help communicate your priorities for the work.
“Please change the sheets and vacuum the rugs before cleaning the kitchen today, in case time runs short. Thank you!”
You can use those notes to also set ground rules and boundaries if needed.
“Feel free to have the radio on but keep it below sound level 25 since the neighbor’s baby may wake up if it’s any louder. There are Cokes in the fridge if you’re thirsty, so help yourself!”
If you’re able to be there in person, smiling and kindly engaging verbally goes a long way towards clear communication and keeping those lines of communications open in case the person runs into issues that you need to be alerted to. Cnce the lines of communication are open, don’t let them close if someone comes regularly. Check-in every so often to make sure that things are okay.
Let them know it’s okay to use the bathroom.
Service folks may try to stay out of your way and avoid even using your bathroom in order to try to not encroach on your space and the sanctity of your home. No matter how small or how large, your home is your personal space, and I’m sure it’s awesome. Making others feel comfortable while they have to be there, too can make everyone’s lives a bit better.
Everyone pees. If someone’s working in your house all day, they’re going to need to use the bathroom. They may need something to drink or any other number of things depending on the work being done, the weather outside, your flexibility, and more.
You can couch it in humor:
“Yes, use this bathroom rather than one that is in the dank, dark basement. There are ghosts down there that I haven’t been able to get rid of.”
You can even just mention a side item:
“When you use the restroom, there’s a blue hand towel just to the left of the sink. Use that one rather than the red towel hanging behind the door, please.”
Oh, which towel to use! Awesome, good to know. That also lets me know you’re okay with me using your restroom.
And, if you don’t want a stranger using your good hand towels or soap, just switch them out for the day. You don’t have to let people use all of your stuff if you don’t want to. Just please don’t act like you’re hiding the normal stuff.
Be proactive. Don’t wait for or expect them to ask you.
Most people may try really hard not to ask you for anything that isn’t explicitly related to why they’re there. That seems a bit presumptuous to ask if it’s okay to use your stuff, like they’re inviting themselves into your territory. So, it probably won’t happen. If someone does invite themselves to your stuff, then you may want to get worried.
Being proactive and welcoming someone into your home makes for a better experience for them and for you. Someone welcomed is more likely to care and do a good job. It also opens the door for more positive communication between you both going forward. You’re also a good person engaging in what could be a rewarding human connection.
Example: If you hire someone to clean your house, the person cleaning will probably have no problem asking you where cleaning supplies are or how you like the carpet vacuumed. That person will not ask you if it’s okay if she has a soda from your fridge. That soda is yours. Asking for it seems rude. If you want to offer the soda, though, then it may be accepted.
Offers, even unaccepted ones, are appreciated.
Even if you say that it’s okay to use the nice bathroom rather than the dingy one in the basement, the person working for you may not want to use it. It’s okay not to accept offers of drinks or anything else. But, the offers will be appreciated.
People like being treated with respect and recognized as full human beings. I received Christmas gifts each year when I was cleaning houses. The gifts I got made me feel so special. My employer chose them for me because she cared about me and had gotten to know me. These signs of appreciation probably made me work harder or better subconsciously, and consciously, they definitely made me enjoy the work more the rest of the year.
Offer on several occasions to set a routine
If in the first week you let your weekly housekeeper know that it’s okay to have a soda from the fridge, she doesn’t take it that day, and you never offer again, she may not think it’s okay to have in the future. Maybe she didn’t want it that first day because she was busy. Another week she has time for a quick break and wonders if the offer is still open.
Offering one time doesn’t set an expectation of normal routines. Offering a couple weeks in a row and explicitly letting that person know that that offers remains open in the future establishes a routine, especially as you come to know one another and what works for you.
Consider telling people if they can use:
- The bathroom. And, if needed, which one if there’s more than one, whether towels are off limits for drying hands, any oddities about flushing the toilet, etc.
- The kitchen. Is it okay to use your cups to get water? Offer coffee if you made a pot. If you have construction or other all-day work going on, can they put lunch in your fridge when they arrive that morning? Do they need to use the microwave?
- Chairs, sofas, dining tables, etc. I kid you not. Sometimes they will not sit on real furniture to take a break or take up a spot at a dining table to eat lunch if you do not tell them that that is perfectly okay.
- TVs, Wifi, etc. There are legit reasons for people to use things in your home. A babysitter may be fine watching TV after the kids are asleep. Wifi access can ease data usage for lots of folks, if you’re okay with them being on your system and knowing a password.
